Peeking down from Heaven!

Wednesday night after church Jimmy and I were working on Kacey's nursery after church. John-Philip is due anytime and we were trying to get things ready. Well it was almost midnight and Dad and Poppa had rolled up the tools and retired to the living room and Kacey and I were still "playing". One of her cousins had given her the white wooden letters to spell out John-Philip so I took them all out and set them above the window to see how they would look. They fit perfectly and were the finishing touch to the nursery as for as we were concerned. As we stood there looking at the letters JOHN PHILIP, we both began to tear up. I looked at my daughter and said, "you think?" Yeah, she said, I definitely think so. (you'll get this later) I hugged her and told her I loved her and we called it a night.

I remember thinking not long after Philip went to heaven, wonder if God would let him look down every now and then? The twins were in the back yard playing and I was thinking how much they are growing and learning. They do new things all the time. Some things they do are so funny and so special and just like their daddy. So I wondered if just maybe God said, "come over here son let me show you something." Just a theory.

Several times on several occasions I just can help but think that God does let Philip look. When I first said it to Rhonda (my daughter-in-law) we both stood there and cried, analyzed it for a moment then we agreed, I bet He does. I say it to my daughter a lot and we just agree on it. His dad and I say it to each other all the time. So that is our little thing now. We just look at each other and look toward heaven. Sometimes we laugh and say "you think he saw that?" Sometimes we cry and just look at each other and say "I HOPE he saw that." Sometimes there are no words we just know. It's funny because it is a Mom, Dad, Sister and Wife thing, we don't have to explain it we just all share that bond and that hope together.

It is so amazing how much someone is a part of you. You don't realize it until they are gone. You think you do, but not really. It is the little everyday things. The private and special things. There is just so much to miss when someone you love so deeply is not there anymore.

I remember Jimmy ragged Philip mercilessly about putting hair spray or gel in his hair. "You big sissy" he would say. Well Jimmy was getting ready for church one morning and had a new hair cut and he picked up my hair spray and sprayed his hair. I whipped around in my stool in front of the mirror and we both just burst out laughing and immediately tears were in our eyes at the same time. "Philip". Jimmy said you know he's having a good laugh right now. Since that time it was a stepping stone to help me convince him to lighten up and add a little gel to his naturally curly hair which works wonders. He finally admitted, "maybe I was a little hard on him."

There are so many funny things that happen that we just know he has to see or we know he would have loved to see.

Back to my theory.


I love the line from the the movie "Facing the Giants" where he says: "God is so big that He can do Whatever He wants to, Whenever He wants to, and However He wants to." When people think things are impossible or at the very least improbable I throw those lines at them.

I have always been kind of hard on people that seem so gullible, they just believe whatever they choose and are not realist. Well now I guess they could say that about me, but you know what that's o'kay too. To all you other grieving parents and loved ones I say this: If it's God were talking about...All things are possible with Him!!! As long as it is not contrary to the Word of God, I'm safe. So that is my justification for looking to the heavens quite often and saying "did ya see that Son?" Hey the Bible says if we're Christians we are supposed to be peculiar, huh?

Someone said that God probably wouldn't let anyone look down from heaven because it would make them too sad. I understand what they are saying and they may be right. Then again I think that once you're in heaven it will be all joy. The only time there will be tears in heaven is at the judgment seat. So, who knows? I'm sure there are some theologians out there that could probably come up with a pretty good answer, but I'm equally sure that there are probably not any theologians reading my blog. (Ha! Ha!) You know what else? Call me crazy but if believing God does let them peek, helps with the pain, and helps the emptiness more bearable, then...Crazy I am!

REMEMBER...We will make it through this "journey of grief"...
only by the Grace of God