Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Journey Continues

Well, I thought I would start back on my blog. I originally started this to share about my "Journey through Grief", hoping to give others hope and to help myself deal with the (at times) overwhelming pain. So here goes.

Just when I think that I am past some things there they come again in hurricane force to assault me, to shake me to my core, to weaken me. It's unexpected most times and stronger than expected always.

I was getting back into my car and on the radio I heard a young girl giving her testimony about being at "Teen Challenge". Teen Challenge is a place about 25 miles north of Birmingham, Alabama, and about ten minutes from my home. They take young people and put them through a program for alcohol and drug rehabilitation. It is done with all emphasis put on God and His word. Our church supports them and a few of our preachers preach there on Wednesdays. I have a friend in our church whose son is in there now. Please pray for him he has been battling this a very long time. His name is Joseph.

So, whats the big deal, this is a good thing. I was only able to listen for a moment to her shaky, tear filled voice of remorse and then of victory through Jesus Christ. Though very happy for the young girl, I felt that old helpless, angry feeling come back. The same old questions that you would think would have been put to rest.

Why didn't someone tell me about Philip?
Why didn't those people that care so much about him realize how much trouble he was in?
Then the questions that always leave me drained and broken...

Why God, why couldn't you let him be a success story?
Why didn't you let me see what was happening? ( I am his Mother, I should have known)
Why did he have to hurt so bad that he turned to drugs?
Why do you let others go on for years and then get to turn their life around?

I don't know whether or not this is the "norm" for a grieving parent, or if I am supposed to have settled this. Sometimes it seems very settled. Sometimes I am very "spiritual" and can say things like "God knew what was coming and this was best" or "God loved Philip more than me", and even go as far as to "Thank God we are not like some parents with their kids still missing, that would be horrible". know what? A lot of days this is still "horrible". I still sometimes get sick at my stomach. Sometimes anger comes from another direction. Pain, missing him so badly, sometimes it just feels unbearable.

Then....inevitably I hear a plight so much worse than my own. I pray and I begin thanking God for the good things in my life. You know what I have found really helps? I begin thanking Him for what didn't happen. It's amazing how many of those there are. I feel like I have to do this over and over again just to continue to be a productive part of society.

I don't know, maybe it will never be settled only to a certain degree. I am human, I am a Mother and I had to bury one of the best parts of me and a very big part of who I am.

So I will go on, and I will serve and I will try to lead others to Christ, I will try to help other parents, I will warn them about the danger signs that I missed, I will do everything in my power to keep another kid from ending up like Philip, and I will do everything I can do to share others burdens and their griefs.

Just as I am sure I will do all of the above, I am just as sure that I am always going to miss my beautiful son, Philip. I would give anything just to hear his laugh, especially when he would get really tickled. He was so funny.

Though at times I seem defeated, I get a little weak, I get a little shaky...I WILL NOT QUIT ON THE LORD. I know I look like I might be a goner sometimes, but GOD is so good to me and He picks me right back up, and He puts my feet back on that solid rock and He reminds me that it is just a little while then everything will be GOOD!

So in closing, just remember, I will make it through this journey of grief, as you will also make it through whatever you're going through. It will all be by the Grace of God.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Okay Thanks Miss Nina... You could have skyped me and warned me about your latest blog game.

I have been tagged as a meme, which is funny because I am a MeMe, anyway here are the rules and who I am tagging:

1. Link to the person who tagged me
2. Mention the rules
3. Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about myself
4. Tag six other bloggers by linking to them
5. Go to each persons blog and let them know that they have been tagged.

Okie Dokie -here we go

1. I always cover my lap with my towel when I take my hair down after a bath. Weird huh.. but I really can't start doing my hair or make-up if I've dropped it. (security blanket). The one day that I left it laying and started without it I laid a curling iron on my leg. If my towel would have been there I would have got burned. Now!
2. When I fix a cup of ice to pour soda over I always rinse the ice first. It tastes better and don't fizz as much.
3. I start sweeping and get distracted by another project and leave the pile somewhere to the side or sometimes right in the middle of the floor. DRIVES MY HUSBAND CRAZY. There is probably a name for this, but I don't really want to know it.
4. I impulsively roll my eyes when someone says something...shall we say... ludicrous. I am working on it, especially in church.
5. I arrange my spices in alphabetical order. Come on, I bet some of you do that one.
6. Everytime I hear some story or something that gives me chills, I always point to my chill bumps. (My husband always points it out to me that I point it out.)


Madison & Malachi

Madison & Malachi
The exploration of an inch worm

My Blog Roll

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About Me

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Empire, Alabama, United States
I am happily married to Jimmy McGee, he is my best friend and the love of my life. I have two children. My son Philip who went on to be with the Lord in November 2005, at the age of (almost) 21 and left behind my precious daughter-in-law Rhonda and his twin babies Madison and Malachi who are so very precious to me. My beautiful daughter Kacey who will be 21 on April 26th. Kacey is happily married to Matt Henry and they are expecting their first child John-Philip at the end of May. These are the people most dear to me and make my world the wonderful place that it is! JUST ADDED! New grandson was born on May 7th John-Philip Ryne Henry!

Portugal Bound!

Portugal Bound!