Happy Birthday Bookers!

Wow, I can't believe they are four. They are so precious. Grandbabies have to be the biggest joy in life. We had a small birthday party this year at "Josie's Place". It was fun, but we fooled around and let it get too dark for many pix. However, being me, I do have a few to show.

They got to have a hay-ride and ride the horse, and feed the horse apples, and tour the farm. It was a really nice time. Very different from the previous parties. The birthday babies and baby JohnPhilip all three came home with MeMe and Poppa after the party. First sleepover with all three. By the time we left the party it was 8:30, not much play time left but they didn't care. I felt very honored because it was too dark for them to open their gifts but they sent them home with mom and they came with us anyway. We took them by to see their great-grandmother (Granny Slatton), they got a card with $5. They kept saying "Wow, a dollar", we tried to explain the difference, but they really didn't care they were just wide open playing, laughing, celebrating being FOUR years old!

I always tell Jimmy we better savor every moment because before we know it they will be too busy for MeMe and Poppa.

If you haven't figured it out yet...I'm crazy about my grandbabies.

So, we made it through and it was a little easier than last year. I suppose that it will get a little easier every time, but, as always we sure missed their Daddy being there to celebrate with us.

His "Babies" turn Four years old Tomorrow

Madison and Malachi turn four years old tomorrow. The only birthday they got to have their daddy was their "First Birthday". The second birthday was just "weird", I went through the motions, but I think it was just strange for everybody. The third got a little better we had a big party at "Booker's Fort", that is the huge two-story fort their Poppa and I built for them last summer in our back yard. We did the cowboy-cowgirl theme and it was a blast. Poppa took them on a somewhat modern day hayride which meant his 16' trailer being pulled by the suburban.

I actually caught myself more than once looking for Philip. I know that sounds really weird. It's just that sometimes life feels normal for a minute, a minute when you're not hurting, and the natural thing is to turn to share something with that loved one that has always been there but isn't any more. To just watch them, to look for the joy in their face, just to watch and take it all to heart. That is something we do more when we're older I think, as we watch our children and see whom they have become.

For a split second it seems so natural that that person should be there, and when that split second is over the heart just feels like it will burst...again.

Then there are times when I just stand still and feel as if I am outside looking in. Everything is in slow motion, I am looking around at all the people there but I can't find that one face in the crowd that I desire to see more than anyone else. The face is missing, but it's not just his face. I don't have the expectation of catching up with him later on in the party, it's not like he's just lost in the crowd...no he's just not here.

It's hard to explain if you've never been there, but if you have ever been there then you know exactly what I mean.

Grief is a very strange thing. Sometimes you understand it and feel like your progressing just the way you are supposed to; then sometimes you don't have a clue what to do with all those emotions. That knot in the bottom of your stomach is just big enough to let you know it's still there and then sometimes it is so huge you feel like everyone sees it.

I guess there will always be "triggers"---birthdays, holidays, special memories, songs, smells, foods, movies, books, the list goes on as do the memories. Thank you sweet Jesus for the beautiful, priceless memories! Those memories get me through the toughest times.

Signing out for tonight, getting ready to face tomorrow.

Lora McGee - just a Mom making my journey through this grief, but not alone, always with God close by and His Grace covering me all the way.